


What you need the most (is a hand to hold)

by withflouronmyhands



Series: Cressi Week 2k18 [6]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Making Up, cressiweek2k18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 14:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16199258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withflouronmyhands/pseuds/withflouronmyhands
Summary: After a bad fight, Leo and Cris find their way back to each other.





	What you need the most (is a hand to hold)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day 5 of Cressi Week 2k18.

Cristiano looks almost poetic. He’s sitting down in the sand, staring out into the sea, lighten up by the orange glow of the sunset. He looks utterly beautiful, so much that Leo’s heart aches in his chest.

He hadn’t expected to find him there, but perhaps he should have. After all, it wasn’t in Cristiano’s blood to run away when things got bad—that was Leo’s thing, which explained why he’s first instinct when he couldn’t find Cristiano was to call Georgina and ask her if she knew if Cristiano was in Madrid, or in Portugal, or anywhere else in the world.

Leo makes his away to him in quick, large steps, feeling the sand fill his shoes. Cristiano doesn’t look up, but going by the way he both tenses up and relaxes, he knows Leo is there. He sits down by Cristiano’s right and stares of into the sea only a moment, before his eyes are attracted back to Cristiano.

He’s wearing a thin, white, cotton shirt that contrasts with his tanned skin, and shorts, showing of his defined legs. Just yesterday, before Leo had opened his mouth and said things that he didn’t mean to speak aloud, Leo had been kissing those legs, had been feeling them against him. The need to touch him surfaces suddenly, but clear among his messy thoughts. So, Leo reaches out, and puts his hand on the sand, palm up, while he turns his body back to the ocean. It’s an open request, a truce of sorts, and Leo knows Cristiano would never be the kind of person to deny something so small. Leo's still fears it, though, and can't find it in himself to keep looking.

The heat that radiates from Cristiano’s hand when he puts it on top of Leo’s warms him up to the core. And it’s more than a truce, he realizes. It’s the willingness to talk, to figure things out, to try to do better.

“I’m sorry,” Cristiano’s voice breaks the calming sound of the waves and the beach.

“I think I should be the one apologizing.” Now that they’re talking, Leo can’t find it in him to turn towards Cristiano, so he settles for watching the waves as they unfurl and, every now and then, looking out of the corner of his eye to where Cristiano’s bare feet lay on the sand.

“Oh, you should,” Cristiano agrees, sounding sure, but hurt. “But I’m sorry too.”

“For what?” Leo frowns.

“For not listening to what you wanted, for not paying attention, for not looking.”

Leo turns to watch they’re joint hands. He feels hurt, too. The pressure of the last years had crashed into him, hitting him out of nowhere, leaving his body and his mind bruised and unstable.

Making him say what he didn’t want to say, but that perhaps he should have said sooner.

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t want you to pay attention.” Leo pauses. Cristiano’s hand, bigger, warmer than his, squeezes gently. “I stand by what I said, but I wish I didn’t say it that way. I wish I never said anything at all, really.” A bitter laugh escapes his lips, and Leo closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath. His heart is beating fast in his chest, reminding Leo of how much he hates to talk, to be vulnerable. “The truth is, I didn’t want to feel like I was pressuring you. This year has been hard enough for you already. I didn’t want this part to be hard, too.”

“Expect where it matters, of course,” Cristiano says in a quiet, open tone, but so similar to the one he’s been using, that it takes a while for Leo to register the innuendo.

“Oh, shut up,” Leo says, laughing. He uses the hand that is not holding Cristiano to hit him on the arm lightly, making Cristiano sway a little. But Cristiano smiles too, looking in his direction for the first time. He looks worried and upset, as well as open and honest, and so, so lovely that Leo just wants to kiss him and make out right there on the sand. “I’m trying here,” he says instead, licking his lips and turning away from Cristiano because he’s just too much.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Cristiano says, in the same tone as before, but there’s still traces of laugh in his voice. His thumb swipes through the back of Leo’s hands absent-mindedly.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Cris. It’s just… I know you. You’re relentless, and once you set your mind onto something, you can’t let go, and you just keep on pushing yourself.” Leo pauses, and then adds, “I didn’t want to feel like I was asking for too much, and make you feel guilty for not delivering.”

“What about you, Leo?” Cristiano asks, moving to wrap an arm around Leo’s shoulders. Leo relishes in the contact, feeling his muscles relax as he leans against Cristiano’s solid chest, letting him support him. “You can’t just shut it all in and not ask for what you want, what you need. I know…,” Cristiano sighs. It sounds heavy, and bitter, and broken. “I know we don’t have the most conventional thing going on. I know we are not able to be together as much as we’d like, especially now, with me in Italy. But I care for you Leo, and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me.”

As Leo leans more confidently into Cristiano’s chest, letting Cristiano’s heat become his, Leo is hit with the sudden realization that, maybe, that’s what Cristiano wanted all along. Maybe all Cristiano wanted was for Leo to open up a little, to let himself be supported.

He had been so caught up in what he thought he would see, that he'd never bothered to actually look.

The realization hits Leo suddenly, making his heart falter in his rhythm. “I’m sorry, Cris,” he says, at last.

“I understand. I just want to be sure that you know that you can talk to me, whenever you want. Even if you feel like you’re bothering me, please do.” Cristiano says, completely unaware of Leo’s breakthrough. “I don’t want you to bottle it all up inside.”

Leo breaks away from Cristiano’s caring hold so he can look into his eyes. He wants to tell him that he gets it now, that he finally understands. But as he looks into Cristiano’s eyes, the words die in his mouth. Because Cristiano’s eyes are filled with determination, and hope, and love, like they always are. But there’s an underlying understanding that Leo’s never noticed before. He couldn’t say if it is new, or if it had been there before as well. He had never looked.

“I wish it was easier too, you know?" Cristiano continues, "I wish we didn’t have to hide, to pretend. I mean, even if there was no one else, the mere idea of us dating is enough to cause uproar.” And there it is, that bitter laugh that makes Leo’s heart ache, makes him search for Cristiano’s hand in the sand and squeeze hard. “But I would take you over easy any time. Every time.”

Leo blushes, and looks down, at the sand where their joined hands lay, before looking up again. Cristiano’s eyes are understanding and his mouth is shaped in the form of a sweet, loving smile, and this time, Leo doesn’t fight it when the urge to kiss him surfaces again.

He feels Cristiano’s smile against his face when their lips meet, before Cristiano opens his lips, kisses him passionately, his tongue entering Leo’s mouth without asking for permission, because he knows he already has it. It’s hot and intense, but not desperate, because now Leo knows—they know—that they’re staying.

 

_At the edge of the ocean_  
_We can start over again_

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first one-shot I wrote for Cressi Week, so it's quite special to me. I tried to include word and song.
> 
> The italic bit at the end is from today's song, "Edge of the Ocean", by Ivy.  
> The title was inspired by a Doctor Who quote.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!


End file.
